Domestic and family violence is any threatening, coercive, dominating or abusive behaviour that occurs between people in a family, domestic or intimate relationship, or former intimate relationship, that causes the person experiencing the behaviour to feel fear (Safe Steps Australia.) It can be between partners, ex-partners, family members, or relationships of cultural significance, such as kin or mob in Aboriginal communities.

Domestic and family violence encompass a wide range of behaviours, and aren’t just physical abuse.

The drivers of DFV in, and against, LGBTQA+ communities are similar to the drivers of gender-based violence more broadly. In our society, some humans are more valued, more respected, and more likely to be supported and believed than other humans. Compulsory heteronormativity - or, the idea that everyone should be, act, look, and feel "straight", is a driver of violence. So is gender conformity - the idea that people should be, look, act, and feel a particular way to be considered a "man" or a "woman." These both carry the idea that being different is bad.

Additionally, our community is intersectional. Higher rates of DV are reported against people from CALD backgrounds, Aboriginal people, and people, especially women or AFAB people, with disability. More scholarship is needed to fully unpack the prevalence in LGBTQA+ communities. Everyone deserves to live free from violence.

Anyone, of any sexuality or any gender, can experience DFV. Anyone, of any sexuality or gender, can perpetrate DFV. However, DFV is a gendered phenomenon. In our LGBTQA+ community we see:

• non binary people and trans men, followed by trans women, then cisgender women, then cisgender men, recording the highest rates of violence (PL3p74)

• Perpetrators of violence are more likely to be cis men than any other gender in LGBTQA+ relationships, with over 50% of reported perpetrators identified as cis men (PL3 p76)

• Sexual violence being much more common among people registered female at birth, than people registered male at birth (PL3 p74)

In society more broadly, it is men who are overwhelmingly the perpetrators of domestic and family violence, and women who are overwhelmingly the victims of domestic and family violence.

We can respect and hold space for all victim-survivors, while acknowledging that the gender-based nature of domestic and family violence is very real.

Yes. You can find an appropriate service in Newcastle, with indicators for inclusion, on this website. Nationally, you can find a service using ACON’s service portal.

Police officers should not show any discrimination towards you. You can ask to speak to a GLLO - a LGBTIQ Liaison Officer. You can also ask to speak to a woman officer, an Aboriginal Liaison Officer, a Multicultural Liaison Officer, or an Aged Crime Liaison Officer. The Police are also able to accommodate access requirements and use interpreters. You can bring a support person with you.

You may be able to arrange to meet a plain-clothes officer to take your statement at your local ACON.

You can go to ACON’s Say it Out Loud for queer-specific support for domestic and family violence.

You can learn how to support loved ones experiencing DFV with Say it Out Loud’s Family, Friends and Community toolkit. The most important things are:

• recognise - know the signs of DFV

• refer - refer the person to an appropriate service

• recover - look after yourself

Victim-blaming occurs when a victim of violence is held responsible for the actions of their perpetrator. Violence is never a victim’s fault. In the LGBTQA+ community, victim blaming can look like:

• supporting perpetrators over survivors: statements like “it’s a he-said, they-said situation”, “there were no witnesses”, “you’ll ruin their career”, “why didn’t you just leave”, are all victim blaming;

• making the victim responsible for the consequences of a perpetrator’s behaviour: the perpetrator’s mental health, loss of social standing or loss of employment, contact with the Police or criminal justice system are the perpetrator’s fault, not the victim’s

• implying that the victim is somehow betraying their LGBTQA+ community by reporting, disclosing, or standing up to violence, or being a bad ally to their community

It’s important to remember that any consequences of the perpetrator’s behaviour aren’t the victim’s fault.