Frequently asked questions about domestic and family violence.

Domestic and family violence (DFV) is a pattern of behaviour in an intimate or family relationship that is violent, controlling, threatening or coercive.

It’s about power and control over the other person.

It can be between married and de facto couples, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, ex-partners, carers, families, siblings, and children. Family relationships include kinship ties in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, and extended family.

Domestic and family violence can be emotional, psychological, coercive, physical, sexual, financial, technical, and more. There’s no one set of behaviours that are considered domestic and family violence.

Definitions of domestic and family violence vary across states and territories.

Domestic and family violence is never OK, and never the victim’s fault.

Anyone can experience domestic and family violence. However, particular populations are more at risk.

• In Australia, being a woman is the biggest risk factor for experiencing domestic, family or sexual violence

• Aboriginal women experience domestic violence more than non-Aboriginal women. Most perpetrators are not Aboriginal.

• Women with disabilities experience more abuse, more frequently, than women without disabilities.

• Violence against LGBTQ+ people and communities is also high.

Domestic violence against women is caused by someone choosing to use violence. More broadly, the drivers of violence against women are about gender. Some - not all - men feel superior to women; and feel like it’s their place to control the women in their lives. Cultural expectations that men are supposed to be strong and dominant, and that women are supposed to serve men, contribute to domestic violence. Other contributing factors include norms about relationships learnt in childhood, often by experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Yes. Every statistic we have points to one conclusion. We study hospital rates, homelessness rates, medical presentations, police reports, helpline calls, assessment quizzes and more. We also don’t just rely on self-reporting - domestic violence is under-reported for women as well as for men.

Perpetrators of violence are overwhelmingly men, and victims are overwhelmingly women.

One in four women will experience intimate partner violence; compared to one in 16 men. This makes domestic violence against women:

• 4x more common than domestic violence against men

• violence against women is more likely to be frequent and repeated

• violence against women is more likely to be severe - to involve multiple types of abuse and cause physical and psychological injury

• violence against women is more likely to be lethal - most domestic violence murder victims are women; followed by children. Of cases where a man is murdered by a woman in a DV incident, the woman is substantially more likely to be the primary victim of DV.

Men can and do experience domestic and family violence. According to the ABS, around 1 in 16 men will experience intimate partner violence in adulthood - 6.25%. Many more men experience domestic violence in childhood, typically from a mother’s male partner. Men are more likely to experience violence from a stranger than intimate partner violence.

According to Health Direct Australia, some signs of domestic violence in another person are:

• they have lost their confidence or are unusually quiet

• they seem afraid of their partner

• they have stopped seeing their friends or family

• their partner often criticises them, humiliates them, orders them about or makes all the decisions

• their partner controls how the other person spends money, what they wear or what they do

• they often talk about their partner’s bad temper or jealousy (they might regularly accuse the other of flirting or being unfaithful)

• they say their partner pressures or forces them into sexual activity

• they have physical injuries, like bruises, broken bones, sprains or cuts

• the children seem afraid of the person or are very withdrawn or anxious

From https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/domestic-violence-and-abusive-relationships#signs

It’s a lot more complicated than “just leaving.” A better question is “why don’t domestic violence perpetrators just stop?”

Leaving an abusive relationship is well linked to increased danger and lethal violence towards a victim. Abusers go to great lengths to make sure their victims can’t leave. Other factors at play include:

• Threats and control: abusers go to great lengths to get their victims to stay. A victim-survivor knows all too well what their abuser is capable of, and this is unfortunately supported by the evidence.

  One study found in interviews with men who have killed their wives that either threats of separation by their partner or actual separations were most often the precipitating events that lead to the murder. Another study found that 20% of murder victims in domestic violence situations were not the primary victim - instead, they were family, friends, bystanders or law enforcement who tried to help.

• Housing and homelessness: many victim-survivors have nowhere to go, and refuges and transitional housing are in short supply and chronically underfunded

• Financial reasons: many victim-survivors have no income of their own, which is especially complicated if children are involved

• Children and dependents: there are often other people involved than just the victim-survivor themselves, including children, relatives and pets

• Barriers to support seeking: not knowing where to get support, being dismissed by law enforcement, beliefs that two-parent households are better for children, unsupportive friends and family, and more

It’s ok to say something to someone you know who is experiencing domestic or family violence. It’s ok to offer your support.

Domestic and family violence victim-survivors need the support of people in their lives. The victim-survivor is the expert in their own safety and circumstances.

You can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 if you are worried about someone in your life, and the 1800RESPECT website has suggestions for how you can provide support and some things for you to consider.

ABC’s of supporting someone who has experienced Domestic or Family Violence:
• Acknowledge, support and listen
• Be non-judgemental
• Care, yet know that you cannot rescue
• Discuss a safety plan
• Encourage and empower
• Friendly - offer to provide practical support, invite them out to social events
• Give information about domestic and family violence in a safe way

Ending domestic and family violence is everyone’s responsibility.

Some ideas of what you could do to help:

• Get informed. Read through this website, and other sites such as Our Watch to understand what domestic and family violence is and what to look for.

• Organise a training at your school or workplace. Contact Jenny’s Place or DV Alert or ECAV to find out about training available.

• Share our resources on social media.

• Our Watch have a great Prevention Handbook with tools and resources and ideas.

• Our Watch also have a great resource for small actions anyone can take to address the drivers of violence against women in their own lives.

• If you are a sector worker, get involved in the Newcastle DV Committee

If you would like to make a donation, please contact these organisation directly to discuss what they need and how to donate:

Warlga Ngurra https://www.warlgangurra.org.au

Jennys Place https://www.jennysplace.org/

NOVA For Women and Children https://www.novawomen.org.au/

Carrie’s Place https://carriesplace.org.au/

Family Support Newcastle https://nfss.org.au/donate-now

Got Your Back Sista https://www.gotyourbacksista.com/

Newcastle DV Court Advocacy Service https://nwdvcas.org.au/donate/

Port Stephens Family and Neighbourhood Services http://www.psfans.org.au/

Friends With Dignity https://www.friendswithdignity.org.au/

Survivors R Us https://survivorsrusincorporated.com/

Upper Hunter Homeless Support https://www.upperhunterhomelesssupport.org/ways-to-help

If you want to volunteer, please contact these organisation directly:

Got Your Back Sista https://www.gotyourbacksista.com/

Friends With Dignity https://www.friendswithdignity.org.au/

Survivors R Us https://survivorsrusincorporated.com/

Live Free Project https://www.livefreeproject.org.au/

Coercive control is the most common type of violence in a relationship. It may include:

• Controlling who you see and talk to

• Monitoring you

• Controlling what you say, do, or wear

• Gaslighting

• Name calling

• Controlling money

• Being ‘the man’ or in control of the relationship

• Manipulating the kids

• Controlling your body

• Jealousy

• Pressure for sex or sex acts you don’t want

• Hitting walls or smashing objects

• Destroying belongings

• Making threats to kill or hurt you, your kids, your pets or themselves

If not recognised, coercive control can be life threatening.

• Do you constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells?

• Is your partner intense? Are they excessively charming, bombarding you with excessive texts and phone calls?

• Do you feel controlled by your partner? Are they constantly checking up on you?

• Does your partner criticise you? Do they use name calling or isolate you from family and friends?

• Has your partner ever pushed or hit you?

• Have they ever damaged your property on purpose?

• Has someone ever tried to choke or strangle you? This is an emergency red flag. Please seek help immediately.

It is not your fault.

You don’t deserve to be treated this way. There is no excuse for abuse.

Children and young people are scared by family violence

• Exposing children to violence is against the law

• Family violence does affect kids and this can last a lifetime. Even if they can’t hear it, they know what is going on

• If your partner is physically or verbally abusive towards you, your children might be next

What can you do?

• Seek help and support early

• Reassure them

• Give lots of cuddles

• Take time out and have fun

Physical abuse may include:

• Any intentional act to another person that may result in bodily injury, physical pain, trauma or impairment

• Striking (with or without an object), hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, shaking, slapping, kicking, pinching and burning

• Being denied access to your home or locking the victim in or out of the house

• Deprivation of sleep or food

• Driving dangerously to scare you or your children

• Damaging property

Financial abuse may include

• Complete control of all money and tactics to limit your access to family finances

• Providing inadequate ‘allowance’

• Preventing you from seeking or holding down a job or showing up at your workplace

• Coercing you to sign documents

Tech-facilitated abuse is when a person uses technology to track you, monitor you, control you, hurt you, or make you feel afraid.

It can include:

• Phone and online harassment, such as constant texts, calls, emails or online following

• Stalking or monitoring your phone, emails and social media accounts

• Tracking with GPS

• using smart tech abusively: locking you in the house, controlling the temperature, using a smart-home speaker to record you inside your house

Sexual abuse is ANY forced or unwanted sexual act or behaviour without your informed consent.

Sexual assault is an act of power and control. It can occur in long term relationships. It is not about intimacy. It is not a shared experience. It has nothing to do with love or affection.

Social abuse may include controlling who you see, who you speak to or where you go.

It can include cutting you off from family or friends, or trying to isolate you.

Spiritual abuse may include ridiculing or not allowing you to practice your chosen religion, cultural beliefs, or access family or community.

Systems abuse is when a perpetrator of domestic and family violence uses systems and processes to maintain or assert power and control over the victim-survivor. Some common tactics include:

• “Burning off” - making multiple applications where the perpetrator is well-resourced to go through the legal system, and the victim-survivor isn’t

• “Conflicting out” - where a perpetrator seeks preliminary advice from multiple lawyers, leaving the victim-survivor with little to no options for legal representation. This is of particular concern in rural, regional and remote areas, and happens within Newcastle and the Hunter.

• Making multiple applications or claims through services like the Family Court, Centrelink, and other support or resource services

There are particular types of abuse that can be used in LGBTQ+ relationships. These can include:

• threatening to “out” a partner’s sexuality or gender, for example, at work or to family

• threatening to disclose a partner’s HIV status

• denying access to gender affirming treatment or other necessary medication

• denying access to LGBTQ+ communities, friends, or events

Some unique forms of domestic and family violence that people with disability may experience include:

• Denying medication, food, water, or personal care

• Using chemical or physical restraints

• Controlling information; such as insisting on accompanying the victim-survivor to all appointments or outings

• Threatening to break or actually breaking disability support equipment

• Threatening to punish, abandon or institutionalise them

• Threatening that police or other services will not believe their reports

• Threatening to report them to Child Protection or have their children taken away

• Threats to assistance animals (such as guide dogs)

• Stealing disability support payments

If you need support:
Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.
Call 1800 737 732 (1800RESPECT) 24 hours a day.